DEPRESSED!!

Well let’s see, I had an almost  perfect trip to Cuba, my home away from home.  Don’t want to get into the why of the (almost) perfect trip.. let’s just say, shouldn’t (there I go again shoulding on myself) have taken someone new to my paradise.  After 4 days-Problem solved… the next week was Perfect.

So now, how do I start?  Well as depression gets a new hold on my life, yet again, I am working on getting “over it”, or “just dealing with it!” as one must.  Again the “lovely” tenants of my Seniors Regional Housing apartment building, have found yet another annoying thing- that makes me happy , makes them miserable, and I must change!!  Yep that’s how it goes here.  I have a lovely rock garden around the tree in front of my window, a lovely spring garden that is in full bloom, with daffodils, Hyacinth, red tulips, little purple violets, and another purple flower I do not know the name of.  I love the sparkling Christmas balls I have had in the tree for 2 years now, winter and summer, they sparkle like sun on water and the large disco balls, sparkle like fireflies on the wall outside my apartment, and sometimes come into my room like “tinkerbells” flying around.  Yeah I know it doesn’t take much to make me happy, 🙂 .

But… My joy has again upset some miserable old lady, she hates anything shiny – so according to the Warden, I must remove said balls from THEIR trees.  I lost it, poor Slave lady who must deliver the news to me.  I heard this was  to be the case when I came home from minor surgery last Wed.  I was not impressed, but I WAS ready to fight for my “Balls”, as anyone would be!

So Wed. April 22 was “B” day so to speak.  KNOCK- KNOCK – I answer door to be told “the balls MUST come down”  the lady some 50 feet away across the courtyard, has lodged a complaint, these shiny balls blind her, shine in her apartment and stop her enjoyment of the courtyard.  Well I have checked the situation out and find that standing on her patio, looking across the courtyard, I can indeed see balls shining in the sun, I do NOT however find a blinding light emitting from said balls.  If one chooses to sit and look across said courtyard, one would indeed be able to enjoy a little sparkle high in the tree, when the sun shines on these magic balls. I argue far to vehemently, I am sure, to save “MY BALLS”, but  to no avail.  I let my anger of the unfairness of this get to me, cause me to yell at “poor wardens assistant” way too loud, way to heated, and bordering on “CRAZY”  oops slipped into ‘why are some people sooooooo mean and spiteful ?  Why do mean people have to ruin stuff for others? Why do I need to be surrounded by STUPID, NO COMMON SENSE, DUMB ASSES?”  And to top it all of we have NO COMMON SENSE REGIONAL PUPPETS who cannot tell the difference from logical and serious complaints, or issues, from whining, spoiled, mealy mouth Bitches, who just want to make others as miserable as they are.  The “lady”, I use this term lightly,who lodged this complaint never opens her curtains ANYTIME more than 18 inches, never comes out on her patio, or into the courtyard, she does not sit out anytime… and yet her enjoyment of the courtyard is more important than mine.  She does not garden, nor does she have anything , and I mean NOTHING outside her apartment to improve the look of her area.

Now we are told to “Make your apartment your home” your patio is yours also, but the “courtyard” is for everyone to enjoy!  I should tell you that the People who use the “courtyard” and there are 4 of us out of 12 who face this green area who sit out on a Regular basis, myself and my nextdoor neighbour have lovely gardens, we have outdoor seating, I have a swing,for 4+  years we  had a nice white lattice fence between us for our dogs.  We cut the grass and maintained “our yard” better than ‘housing’ did for the rest of the courtyard.  We cut our grass as needed, not just once a week.  We had to take down the fence after 3 new people moved in last summer, No explanation, just do it!

I will feel better soon, I have no choice cause I am still alive.  Others who do not understand will call me a whiner!   I have had to deal with depression and the ups and downs for so long.  I often wish I had saved more and could afford a little home, I often wished I could be ‘white trailer trash’ with a nice little trailer here in Ont.  and one somewhere warm to go to in the winter.  But no lottery winnings yet, no rich relatives to leave me millions, so I just wait for a time in life when all will be OK again… and it will!

So ends this ‘let me tell u how I really feel’ rant.  I might get dressed, later (it is 2:41).  What for?  I break out in tears too easily yet today.  I’m not going anywhere, so… well we’ll see how the rest of the day goes.  Give thanks, forgive, move on.

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